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Someone was telling me recently about a meeting she had with her financial advisor. The advisor asked her about estate planning – how much does her and her husband want to plan to leave their children when they die beyond covering burial expenses,etc. WHAT??? Since when have children been so entitled to an inheritance that parents actually save money to give them one?

Years ago, I was a fly on the wall to a discussion between eight upper middle class accountants about how much they should plan on spending for their children’s post-secondary education. They were talking in the $15,000 - $20,000 per year per child range. Keep in mind this is in Canada where post-secondary education is still heavily subsidized. Even with being upper middle class, there was a fair bit of rumbling around the table about how on Earth they were going to be able to manage. Eventually, one of them thought to turn to me (the only post-secondary student in the room) and asked me what I thought. I laughed and said all their kids are extremely lucky (perhaps I should’ve said spoiled too). I paid my education almost entirely through hard-earned scholarships and part-time and summer jobs. I told them that if I knew someone else was paying it for me, I know I would not have worked so hard to get those scholarships and I would not have benefited so much from the extra effort I had made in my education. It’s equally true that I would not have felt nearly as much pride or accomplishment in having paid my own way – let alone graduated debt-free – had it been mostly paid for by others. I’ve known my share of students who did have their way paid for by parents. Many had a sense of entitlement about everything. They were also in programs that had their parents’ blessing, but didn’t show any passion for it. Their aim was just to pass by whatever means necessary, not to excel or to - God forbid – learn the subject. I do know at least one notable exception to this, but I have yet to meet someone who paid their own way and took their education for granted.

And while we’re on the subject, post-secondary education is over-rated. I fail to see the point using social pressure to get everyone to get a degree, not everyone is suited to it. I’m not saying the people who aren’t suited to it are dumb, that’s like saying I’m dumb for not being an Olympic athlete. It’s just that we all have our talents and higher education is just one of many possible talents. There are many, many ways to contribute to society. Only a surprisingly small number of them require a degree. I hate to hear of cases where a child feels forced to pursue a degree only to please their parents.

That’s such a waste of time, money and talent – clearly the child isn’t putting their talents to use if they are wasting away time and money in post-secondary education. Not to mention the larger implications to the education system (e.g. more money spent on the post-secondary system may mean less funding is available to provide basic education to everyone).

My last story for today is that a short time ago, I heard my mother say that her mother-in-law’s house was her inheritance! How dare the mother-in-law sell off her inheritance!! No. Nothing is ever “inheritance” unless or until the owner is dead and they choose to leave it to you. If either of those conditions is missing, then HANDS OFF! It’s not yours, you don’t have any ownership in it and you may never have ownership of it.

What do these stories have in common? Think twice before letting anyone take advantage of you financially, even your children.

Margaret Bailey lives in Ottawa with her husband and two cats. She believes strongly that knowledge is only useful if applied and shared. She strives to be a light to all who cross her path or walk with her awhile.