INDEPENDENT OF THE OUTCOME
My husband was watching an old tape of Wayne Dyer a little bit ago and I overheard an interesting observation. One of the common characteristics of people who have made great contributions to society – the great minds that we revere in the history books – is that they were independent of the good opinion of other people. It’s not that they didn’t care about others or what they thought at all, it’s that they listened to their own opinions more, pursued what they felt they were meant to be doing, and didn’t hold themselves back out of fear of how they’d be received.

“Self-trust is the first secret of success.”
~Ralph Waldo Emerson

It’s about detaching from the outcome. Doing things because you feel you have to, because if you don’t, it wouldn’t feel right. Ironically, this attitude of being unconcerned with how it’ll turn out has a funny way of ensuring that it’ll turn out better.

“Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it.”
~Henry David Thoreau

Over the last several weeks, I’ve been discovering an interesting side of myself. When I started writing these articles, I had a couple of objectives in mind. I wanted to share some of what I’ve learned over the years in the hopes it would help at least one other person in their journey – spark something and inspire. I also saw it as a personal development tool for myself; an opportunity to improve my writing (an old habit from someone who used to be in remedial English) and a chance to try something different and see if I like it. I wanted to see where it would take me.

Starting out with those thoughts in mind meant that I was really eager to hear back what readers thought of it. The feedback was really important to me. And then a curious thing happened within a very short time; I got into the writing itself. I still like to get comments back, that hasn’t changed. What’s changed is that it’s not so important to me to get that reinforcement that people are reading and are interested; I don’t write to get comments. I’d still be writing even if I didn’t get any response. I write now because I want to write, because I feel that pull to do it. I’m happy with what I’m doing, I’m happy it’s getting out there, but what other people do with it is up to them. I can’t control how people react to it and I’m not going to try. Of course I’d like someone out there to appreciate it sometime, someday, but that’s out of my hands.

This attitude has already inadvertently resulted in several positive reactions I wasn’t expecting (mostly from close family and friends). If I had been censoring myself a bit more with them in mind, I would’ve cut those parts out or not even written on that topic to begin with! As it turns out, it might have been among my best work so far and if I had worried about what they’d think, both sides would’ve missed out.

It’s actually a curious feeling to notice this because years ago I was the type of person that cared far too much about what other people thought. This hasn’t happened overnight, I think I’ve been this way with some things for awhile now, it’s only that I’m finally recognizing it and seeing how far I’ve come. There is freedom in letting your work stand for itself and letting the universe doing with it what it wills. It’s a freedom that I can only wish I had realized a little earlier!

Now I’m not saying I expect to be someone who’ll make it into the history books or be talked about by future generations of Wayne Dyers. I’ve never been one to enjoy a spotlight; fortune and especially fame are not on my list of things I hope to achieve before I die. To me, it’s not about big achievements.

The movie The Notebook starts out with an elderly man saying “I am nothing special; just a common man with common thoughts, and I’ve led a common life. There are no monuments dedicated to me and my name will soon be forgotten. But in one respect I have succeeded as gloriously as anyone who’s ever lived: I’ve loved another with all my heart and soul; and to me, this has always been enough.”

I’m not nearly so romantic, but I like the concept. I would expand it to more than the love between spouses though and include love of others more generally and love of life itself. There’s a motto “think global, act local”. It’s usually used in the context of the environmental movement and how small changes done in your city and your backyard can make a difference on a global scale. I’d like to take that a step further and say that it also applies to all interpersonal interactions.

Wouldn’t it be nice if everyone treated everyone else with dignity and respect? What would happen if you set out each day with that global idea in your head and acted on it with everyone you interact with (your local sphere). Mahatma Gandhi once said “be the change you wish to see.” It’s perhaps one of the most over-used quotes there are, I think because it speaks to a lot of people. My question is: do you think you could make a difference even without any big accolades to your name? I think so. Someone told me once that respect for each other is the most common answer among Canadians when we are asked what we value. If I can wake up each day and treat everyone I encounter with respect under any circumstance, then that would be a great accomplishment. That’s always been enough for me. I can’t say I’m always successful, but I try.

Maybe that does make me more like those big achievers than not, I don’t know. What I do know is that I never question my purpose in this life; I find purpose in everything I do. That outlook has served me well. It made it mighty difficult to pin down a career, let me tell you! It’s hard for me to say what I find more fulfilling and more meaningful when so much is meaningful to me. But I’d pick that struggle over again any day.

Put your heart into what you do and the rest will follow. Maybe not in the way you expect, but trust, and it will happen.

I’ll leave you with one of my favourite exercises:

The Charlie Schulz Philosophy
(Scroll through slowly and read carefully to receive and enjoy full effect)

The following is the philosophy of Charles Schulz, the creator of the ‘Peanuts’ comic strip. You don’t have to actually answer the questions. Just read straight through, think it over as you go and you’ll get the point.

1. Name the five wealthiest people in the world.
2. Name the last five Heisman trophy winners.
3. Name the last five winners of the Miss America pageant.
4. Name ten people who have won the Nobel or Pulitzer Prize.
5. Name the last half dozen Academy Award winners for best actor and actress.
6. Name the last decade’s worth of World Series winners.

How did you do?

The point is, none of us remember the headliners of yesterday. These are no second-rate achievers. They are the best in their fields. But the applause dies. Awards tarnish. Achievements are forgotten. Accolades and certificates are buried with their owners.

Here’s another quiz. See how you do on this one:
1. List a few teachers who aided your journey through school.
2. Name three friends who have helped you through a difficult time.
3. Name five people who have taught you something worthwhile.
4. Think of a few people who have made you feel appreciated and special!!
5. Think of five people you enjoy spending time with.

Easier? The lesson: The people who make a difference in your life are not the ones with the most credentials, the most money or the most awards. They simply are the ones who care the most.

“You don’t have to be a ‘person of influence’ to be influential. In fact, the most influential people in my life are probably not even aware of the things they’ve taught me.”
~Scott Adams

Margaret Bailey lives in Ottawa with her husband and two cats. She believes strongly that knowledge is only useful if applied and shared. She strives to be a light to all who cross her path or walk with her awhile.