TALKING AND LISTENING

Five years ago, I attended a white tantric yoga session. White tantric yoga is a special subset of the kundalini style of yoga, the yoga of awareness. Basically, it’s a day of group meditation. In the session I attended, there was one meditation in particular that made a lasting impact. Everyone was paired up in rows. You face your partner, all men on one side, women on the other. We were short a few men, so I was one of the women who played a man for the day. For 60 minutes, non-stop, the women chanted a mantra at the men. All the men had to do was sit and listen.

 

Afterward, a group of us talked about our experience. I questioned why it was the woman doing all the talking. Don’t us women do enough talking in our day-to-day lives? Shouldn’t the men get an opportunity to speak? One of the men (more wise than I!) spoke up “yes, but how often do men actually listen? And how often are women saying something worth listening to?” Oh. Good point. Of course, we’re both clearly buying in to gender stereotypes with our comments and stereotypes are never totally true - you can’t paint everyone with the same brush! I have found that there is some truth to this though, at least on the women’s side of it.

 

Here’s another interesting observation: One of the women commented that she found the meditation easy. She was happy to be one of the ones chanting. That sparked discussion over which is more difficult and we unanimously agreed that listening was more difficult! Even though it looked like sitting doing nothing, it was without a doubt more difficult. Think about it: Think about sitting and looking at someone talk at you for a full hour and not being able to say a thing, move an inch or break eye contact. That’s tough. That’s really, really tough. Try it if you don’t believe me, maybe not a full hour, just 10 minutes and you’ll see what I mean.

 

Reflecting on this helps me appreciate my husband for the saint that he is. I can’t tell you how many times we’ve had this conversation:

 

Me: blah blah

Him: Right, and he’s the one who did x and said y, z weeks ago – I remember – you’ve told me already.

Me: Oh, right. Well I didn’t think you’d actually remember!

 

 

He listens to me. And he remembers my stories with crazy accuracy. He patiently reminds me when I’m telling him a story he’s already heard four times already. Even if it’s not a particularly important story (which I’ll admit is most of the time), he remembers it. I still have a lot to learn from him about listening! I still struggle at times with being fully attentive and remembering what I’m told with accuracy.

 

I also continue at times to struggle with making sure I talk about what’s really important. I can jabber on for a long time about my work day, but have trouble expressing emotions through words. I can also get caught up in the day-to-day activities and forget to spend time thinking about the more important, big picture stuff: spirituality, mental and physical health, emotions, personal development. That’s how I got involved with this magazine in the first place. I realized I had spent too much time away from doing anything for spiritual or personal development and wanted to re-find that part of myself. I found this site by serendipity and it has helped me re-introduce those missing pieces into my life. I still marvel at how the best things in life have a tendency to show up out of nowhere – uninvited. I’ve found the trick to writing your own miraculous story is not to sit back and simply wish for it. Not only does it take hard work, you need to learn to recognize those perfect opportunities that land on your lap. Most certainly tiny miracles happen to everyone on a regular basis – it’s only that they come at you from the side and you can’t see them if you have blinders on. If you don’t notice them and don’t act on them, then they can pass right on by - a lost opportunity.

 

So I’m realizing that it’s been 5 years and I’m still working on this listening and talking about what’s important stuff. I’ve slipped a little – okay, a lot – but I’m back at it now. Once again paying attention to the bounty at my feet (no complaining that it doesn’t exist!), reflecting on what’s really important and getting my head straight over what kind of person I’d like to be. 

 

I will unfortunately be missing white tantric again this year – for all those getting ready for the Toronto session, I’m thinking of y’all! Hope to see you next year. Until then, I’ll keep working on the lessons from last time. It’ll help me connect to the people I’m interacting with and serves as another reminder to check negativity, distractions and pointless babble at the door, for my own good.

 

Margaret Bailey lives in Ottawa with her husband and two cats. She believes strongly that knowledge is only useful if applied and shared. She strives to be a light to all who cross her path or walk with her awhile.