BLAME
I heard a news story this week regarding the outfall from the eruption of the Eyjafjallajokull volcano in Iceland.

The story started out by saying that no one whose travel plans were affected could blame the volcano for it was doing – so instead people turned their minds to the next best thing – blaming the airlines.

Various stories went on from there talking about passengers calling on governments to “rescue” them from this apparent disaster. In a year where real disasters have struck people in Haiti and Chile, it seemed to me to be a bit rich to be referring to stranded passengers as a disaster.

But humans are like that – when we undergo stress we react in strange and unusual ways – perhaps a bit like a volcano – spewing out ash wherever we can.

Equally true, however, is that the volcano is just simply doing it’s job – being a volcano. It’s equally up to us to do our job being the best humans we can be at any given time.

Recently I went through what I might call a bit of volcanic eruption in my own family. As I typically observe, the eruptions were mostly of my own choosing. I can put all kinds of blame on other people’s actions, but the fact that it happens to upset me is my own challenge – not theirs.

It’s tempting to blame others for what is happening in our lives. Our world seems to thrive and even encourage us to that. But it isn’t what I would call an effective technique. The outfall invariably results in us feeling victimized in some way, which in turn affects how we deal with any interaction from that moment forward.

There is an energy that flows around us, and people can feel that energy. I know that sounds woo-woo to some, but few can argue that without saying a word we humans can sense when someone is tense, when someone is happy or at peace with themselves, or disconnected. We are, as Ernest Holmes has said, spiritual broadcasting centres, and it’s our job to consciously choose what kind of “news” we want to broadcast to the rest of the world.

Recently, a friend shared with me that she was experiencing distance with one of her other friends ans couldn’t figure out why. When she looked at herself, she realized that she was jealous, and wondered if that could be affecting how she was seeing her friend – and ultimately interpreting the state of her friendship.

Wayne Dyer in his book The Power of Intention notes that family relationships are sometimes the most challenging ones to get through because there are so many opportunities for us to fall into old habits and patterns. He believes we teach others how to treat us, so if we don’t like our relationships with our family members, it’s up to us to change how we think – not act – but think.

He says the truth about family, is that the relationship exists in our mind first, and it continues to exist even after that person has died. When we choose to bring peace into that relationship, we change our experience of it. Our conversations alter accordingly. When we bring love in, we hear differently, and we can more easily let go of those personality traits that touch off our hot buttons.

I know sometimes those hot buttons scorch, but it’s only hurting us in that moment – not the other person.

We have a choice at all times. We can blame, shame, experience guilt and self-remorse in our human relationships and create further distance as a result, or we can choose to be peace. A teacher of mine once told me that when we give challenging relationships peace one of two things happen – the person passes from our lives, or the relationship deepens and grows in a far more nourishing way. Either way, the result is good.

I challenge myself to love, forgive myself and others, and know peace in my life, and I encourage you to do the same.

(Karin Wilson is a journalist and staff minister at the Centre for Spiritual Living in Kelowna. She can be reached at karinwilson@telus.net.)